New Joy | Nollywood REinvented May 29th 2012, 02:43 /gi, ob=/^(?:select|textarea)/i,pb=/^(?:color|date|datetime|email|hidden|month|number|password|range|search|tel|text|time|url|week)$/i,qb=/^(?:GET|HEAD)$/,Ra=/\[\]$/,T=/\=\?(&|$)/,ja=/\?/,rb=/([?&])_=[^&]*/,sb=/^(\w+:)?\/\/([^\/?#]+)/,tb=/%20/g,ub=/#.*$/,Ha=c.fn.load;c.fn.extend({load:function(a,b,d){if(typeof a!=="string"&&Ha)return Ha.apply(this,arguments);else if(!this.length)return this;var e=a.indexOf(" ");if(e>=0){var f=a.slice(e,a.length);a=a.slice(0,e)}e="GET";if(b)if(c.isFunction(b)){d=b;b=null}else if(typeof b=== "object"){b=c.param(b,c.ajaxSettings.traditional);e="POST"}var h=this;c.ajax({url:a,type:e,dataType:"html",data:b,complete:function(l,k){if(k==="success"||k==="notmodified")h.html(f?c(" ").append(l.responseText.replace(nb,"")).find(f):l.responseText);d&&h.each(d,[l.responseText,k,l])}});return this},serialize:function(){return c.param(this.serializeArray())},serializeArray:function(){return this.map(function(){return this.elements?c.makeArray(this.elements):this}).filter(function(){return this.name&& !this.disabled&&(this.checked||ob.test(this.nodeName)||pb.test(this.type))}).map(function(a,b){var d=c(this).val();return d==null?null:c.isArray(d)?c.map(d,function(e){return{name:b.name,value:e}}):{name:b.name,value:d}}).get()}});c.each("ajaxStart ajaxStop ajaxComplete ajaxError ajaxSuccess ajaxSend".split(" "),function(a,b){c.fn[b]=function(d){return this.bind(b,d)}});c.extend({get:function(a,b,d,e){if(c.isFunction(b)){e=e||d;d=b;b=null}return c.ajax({type:"GET",url:a,data:b,success:d,dataType:e})}, getScript:function(a,b){return c.get(a,null,b,"script")},getJSON:function(a,b,d){return c.get(a,b,d,"json")},post:function(a,b,d,e){if(c.isFunction(b)){e=e||d;d=b;b={}}return c.ajax({type:"POST",url:a,data:b,success:d,dataType:e})},ajaxSetup:function(a){c.extend(c.ajaxSettings,a)},ajaxSettings:{url:location.href,global:true,type:"GET",contentType:"application/x-www-form-urlencoded",processData:true,async:true,xhr:function(){return new E.XMLHttpRequest},accepts:{xml:"application/xml, text/xml",html:"text/html", script:"text/javascript, application/javascript",json:"application/json, text/javascript",text:"text/plain",_default:"*/*"}},ajax:function(a){var b=c.extend(true,{},c.ajaxSettings,a),d,e,f,h=b.type.toUpperCase(),l=qb.test(h);b.url=b.url.replace(ub,"");b.context=a&&a.context!=null?a.context:b;if(b.data&&b.processData&&typeof b.data!=="string")b.data=c.param(b.data,b.traditional);if(b.dataType==="jsonp"){if(h==="GET")T.test(b.url)||(b.url+=(ja.test(b.url)?"&":"?")+(b.jsonp||"callback")+"=?");else if(!b.data|| !T.test(b.data))b.data=(b.data?b.data+"&":"")+(b.jsonp||"callback")+"=?";b.dataType="json"}if(b.dataType==="json"&&(b.data&&T.test(b.data)||T.test(b.url))){d=b.jsonpCallback||"jsonp"+mb++;if(b.data)b.data=(b.data+"").replace(T,"="+d+"$1");b.url=b.url.replace(T,"="+d+"$1");b.dataType="script";var k=E[d];E[d]=function(m){if(c.isFunction(k))k(m);else{E[d]=B;try{delete E[d]}catch(p){}}f=m;c.handleSuccess(b,w,e,f);c.handleComplete(b,w,e,f);r&&r.removeChild(A)}}if(b.dataType==="script"&&b.cache===null)b.cache= false;if(b.cache===false&&l){var o=c.now(),x=b.url.replace(rb,"$1_="+o);b.url=x+(x===b.url?(ja.test(b.url)?"&":"?")+"_="+o:"")}if(b.data&&l)b.url+=(ja.test(b.url)?"&":"?")+b.data;b.global&&c.active++===0&&c.event.trigger("ajaxStart");o=(o=sb.exec(b.url))&&(o[1]&&o[1].toLowerCase()!==location.protocol||o[2].toLowerCase()!==location.host);if(b.dataType==="script"&&h==="GET"&&o){var r=t.getElementsByTagName("head")[0]||t.documentElement,A=t.createElement("script");if(b.scriptCharset)A.charset=b.scriptCharset; A.src=b.url;if(!d){var C=false;A.onload=A.onreadystatechange=function(){if(!C&&(!this.readyState||this.readyState==="loaded"||this.readyState==="complete")){C=true;c.handleSuccess(b,w,e,f);c.handleComplete(b,w,e,f);A.onload=A.onreadystatechange=null;r&&A.parentNode&&r.removeChild(A)}}}r.insertBefore(A,r.firstChild);return B}var J=false,w=b.xhr();if(w){b.username?w.open(h,b.url,b.async,b.username,b.password):w.open(h,b.url,b.async);try{if(b.data!=null&&!l||a&&a.contentType)w.setRequestHeader("Content-Type", b.contentType);if(b.ifModified){c.lastModified[b.url]&&w.setRequestHeader("If-Modified-Since",c.lastModified[b.url]);c.etag[b.url]&&w.setRequestHeader("If-None-Match",c.etag[b.url])}o||w.setRequestHeader("X-Requested-With","XMLHttpRequest");w.setRequestHeader("Accept",b.dataType&&b.accepts[b.dataType]?b.accepts[b.dataType]+", */*; q=0.01":b.accepts._default)}catch(I){}if(b.beforeSend&&b.beforeSend.call(b.context,w,b)===false){b.global&&c.active--===1&&c.event.trigger("ajaxStop");w.abort();return false}b.global&& c.triggerGlobal(b,"ajaxSend",[w,b]);var L=w.onreadystatechange=function(m){if(!w||w.readyState===0||m==="abort"){J||c.handleComplete(b,w,e,f);J=true;if(w)w.onreadystatechange=c.noop}else if(!J&&w&&(w.readyState===4||m==="timeout")){J=true;w.onreadystatechange=c.noop;e=m==="timeout"?"timeout":!c.httpSuccess(w)?"error":b.ifModified&&c.httpNotModified(w,b.url)?"notmodified":"success";var p;if(e==="success")try{f=c.httpData(w,b.dataType,b)}catch(q){e="parsererror";p=q}if(e==="success"||e==="notmodified")d|| c.handleSuccess(b,w,e,f);else c.handleError(b,w,e,p);d||c.handleComplete(b,w,e,f);m==="timeout"&&w.abort();if(b.async)w=null}};try{var g=w.abort;w.abort=function(){w&&Function.prototype.call.call(g,w);L("abort")}}catch(i){}b.async&&b.timeout>0&&setTimeout(function(){w&&!J&&L("timeout")},b.timeout);try{w.send(l||b.data==null?null:b.data)}catch(n){c.handleError(b,w,null,n);c.handleComplete(b,w,e,f)}b.async||L();return w}},param:function(a,b){var d=[],e=function(h,l){l=c.isFunction(l)?l():l;d[d.length]= encodeURIComponent(h)+"="+encodeURIComponent(l)};if(b===B)b=c.ajaxSettings.traditional;if(c.isArray(a)||a.jquery)c.each(a,function(){e(this.name,this.value)});else for(var f in a)da(f,a[f],b,e);return d.join("&").replace(tb,"+")}});c.extend({active:0,lastModified:{},etag:{},handleError:function(a,b,d,e){a.error&&a.error.call(a.context,b,d,e);a.global&&c.triggerGlobal(a,"ajaxError",[b,a,e])},handleSuccess:function(a,b,d,e){a.success&&a.success.call(a.context,e,d,b);a.global&&c.triggerGlobal(a,"ajaxSuccess", [b,a])},handleComplete:function(a,b,d){a.complete&&a.complete.call(a.context,b,d);a.global&&c.triggerGlobal(a,"ajaxComplete",[b,a]);a.global&&c.active--===1&&c.event.trigger("ajaxStop")},triggerGlobal:function(a,b,d){(a.context&&a.context.url==null?c(a.context):c.event).trigger(b,d)},httpSuccess:function(a){try{return!a.status&&location.protocol==="file:"||a.status>=200&&a.status=0;a=f?a.responseXML:a.responseText;f&&a.documentElement.nodeName==="parsererror"&&c.error("parsererror");if(d&&d.dataFilter)a=d.dataFilter(a,b);if(typeof a==="string")if(b==="json"||!b&&e.indexOf("json")>=0)a=c.parseJSON(a);else if(b==="script"||!b&&e.indexOf("javascript")>=0)c.globalEval(a);return a}}); if(E.ActiveXObject)c.ajaxSettings.xhr=function(){if(E.location.protocol!=="file:")try{return new E.XMLHttpRequest}catch(a){}try{return new E.ActiveXObject("Microsoft.XMLHTTP")}catch(b){}};c.support.ajax=!!c.ajaxSettings.xhr();var ea={},vb=/^(?:toggle|show|hide)$/,wb=/^([+\-]=)?([\d+.\-]+)(.*)$/,ba,pa=[["height","marginTop","marginBottom","paddingTop","paddingBottom"],["width","marginLeft","marginRight","paddingLeft","paddingRight"],["opacity"]];c.fn.extend({show:function(a,b,d){if(a||a===0)return this.animate(S("show", 3),a,b,d);else{d=0;for(var e=this.length;d =0;e--)if(d[e].elem===this){b&&d[e](true);d.splice(e,1)}});b||this.dequeue();return this}});c.each({slideDown:S("show",1),slideUp:S("hide",1),slideToggle:S("toggle",1),fadeIn:{opacity:"show"},fadeOut:{opacity:"hide"},fadeToggle:{opacity:"toggle"}},function(a,b){c.fn[a]=function(d,e,f){return this.animate(b, d,e,f)}});c.extend({speed:function(a,b,d){var e=a&&typeof a==="object"?c.extend({},a):{complete:d||!d&&b||c.isFunction(a)&&a,duration:a,easing:d&&b||b&&!c.isFunction(b)&&b};e.duration=c.fx.off?0:typeof e.duration==="number"?e.duration:e.duration in c.fx.speeds?c.fx.speeds[e.duration]:c.fx.speeds._default;e.old=e.complete;e.complete=function(){e.queue!==false&&c(this).dequeue();c.isFunction(e.old)&&e.old.call(this)};return e},easing:{linear:function(a,b,d,e){return d+e*a},swing:function(a,b,d,e){return(-Math.cos(a* Math.PI)/2+0.5)*e+d}},timers:[],fx:function(a,b,d){this.options=b;this.elem=a;this.prop=d;if(!b.orig)b.orig={}}});c.fx.prototype={update:function(){this.options.step&&this.options.step.call(this.elem,this.now,this);(c.fx.step[this.prop]||c.fx.step._default)(this)},cur:function(){if(this.elem[this.prop]!=null&&(!this.elem.style||this.elem.style[this.prop]==null))return this.elem[this.prop];var a=parseFloat(c.css(this.elem,this.prop));return a&&a>-1E4?a:0},custom:function(a,b,d){function e(l){return f.step(l)} var f=this,h=c.fx;this.startTime=c.now();this.start=a;this.end=b;this.unit=d||this.unit||"px";this.now=this.start;this.pos=this.state=0;e.elem=this.elem;if(e()&&c.timers.push(e)&&!ba)ba=setInterval(h.tick,h.interval)},show:function(){this.options.orig[this.prop]=c.style(this.elem,this.prop);this.options.show=true;this.custom(this.prop==="width"||this.prop==="height"?1:0,this.cur());c(this.elem).show()},hide:function(){this.options.orig[this.prop]=c.style(this.elem,this.prop);this.options.hide=true; this.custom(this.cur(),0)},step:function(a){var b=c.now(),d=true;if(a||b>=this.options.duration+this.startTime){this.now=this.end;this.pos=this.state=1;this.update();this.options.curAnim[this.prop]=true;for(var e in this.options.curAnim)if(this.options.curAnim[e]!==true)d=false;if(d){if(this.options.overflow!=null&&!c.support.shrinkWrapBlocks){var f=this.elem,h=this.options;c.each(["","X","Y"],function(k,o){f.style["overflow"+o]=h.overflow[k]})}this.options.hide&&c(this.elem).hide();if(this.options.hide|| this.options.show)for(var l in this.options.curAnim)c.style(this.elem,l,this.options.orig[l]);this.options.complete.call(this.elem)}return false}else{a=b-this.startTime;this.state=a/this.options.duration;b=this.options.easing||(c.easing.swing?"swing":"linear");this.pos=c.easing[this.options.specialEasing&&this.options.specialEasing[this.prop]||b](this.state,a,0,1,this.options.duration);this.now=this.start+(this.end-this.start)*this.pos;this.update()}return true}};c.extend(c.fx,{tick:function(){for(var a= c.timers,b=0;b-1;e={};var x={};if(o)x=f.position();l=o?x.top:parseInt(l,10)||0;k=o?x.left:parseInt(k,10)||0;if(c.isFunction(b))b=b.call(a,d,h);if(b.top!=null)e.top=b.top-h.top+l;if(b.left!=null)e.left=b.left-h.left+k;"using"in b?b.using.call(a, e):f.css(e)}};c.fn.extend({position:function(){if(!this[0])return null;var a=this[0],b=this.offsetParent(),d=this.offset(),e=Ia.test(b[0].nodeName)?{top:0,left:0}:b.offset();d.top-=parseFloat(c.css(a,"marginTop"))||0;d.left-=parseFloat(c.css(a,"marginLeft"))||0;e.top+=parseFloat(c.css(b[0],"borderTopWidth"))||0;e.left+=parseFloat(c.css(b[0],"borderLeftWidth"))||0;return{top:d.top-e.top,left:d.left-e.left}},offsetParent:function(){return this.map(function(){for(var a=this.offsetParent||t.body;a&&!Ia.test(a.nodeName)&& c.css(a,"position")==="static";)a=a.offsetParent;return a})}});c.each(["Left","Top"],function(a,b){var d="scroll"+b;c.fn[d]=function(e){var f=this[0],h;if(!f)return null;if(e!==B)return this.each(function(){if(h=fa(this))h.scrollTo(!a?e:c(h).scrollLeft(),a?e:c(h).scrollTop());else this[d]=e});else return(h=fa(f))?"pageXOffset"in h?h[a?"pageYOffset":"pageXOffset"]:c.support.boxModel&&h.document.documentElement[d]||h.document.body[d]:f[d]}});c.each(["Height","Width"],function(a,b){var d=b.toLowerCase(); c.fn["inner"+b]=function(){return this[0]?parseFloat(c.css(this[0],d,"padding")):null};c.fn["outer"+b]=function(e){return this[0]?parseFloat(c.css(this[0],d,e?"margin":"border")):null};c.fn[d]=function(e){var f=this[0];if(!f)return e==null?null:this;if(c.isFunction(e))return this.each(function(l){var k=c(this);k[d](e.call(this,l,k[d]()))});if(c.isWindow(f))return f.document.compatMode==="CSS1Compat"&&f.document.documentElement["client"+b]||f.document.body["client"+b];else if(f.nodeType===9)return Math.max(f.documentElement["client"+ b],f.body["scroll"+b],f.documentElement["scroll"+b],f.body["offset"+b],f.documentElement["offset"+b]);else if(e===B){f=c.css(f,d);var h=parseFloat(f);return c.isNaN(h)?f:h}else return this.css(d,typeof e==="string"?e:e+"px")}})})(window);jQuery.noConflict(); //]]> "Look! I was content to pray. The salvation missionary priest to be. I prayed in the morning. I prayed in the evening. I pray when I wake up. I pray when I go to bed. I even pray before I pray"
Lol. All I have to say is... If someone who sings is a singer and someone who dances is a dancer then someone who prays is a ???? I know you know the answer. So, on to the review... NOTE: The movie, "New Joy" is divided into only two parts. New Joy Part 1 and 2
SYNOPSIS: When the paths of four Go-Go girls and three innocent boys cross, what follows is the corruption of youth and loss of innocence. How far can the good give in to the bad? How far can the bad take from the good especially when sin seems to be sweeter than prayer and prayer seems to guarntee more happineess than sin oon the long run ... - Mega Movies Ltd. Cast: Tonto Dikeh, Artus Frank, Tchidi Chikere, Stephanie Ofokansi (aka Stephanie Oforka), Bacteria Ajirika, Obi Czer, Year: 2010 Director: Tchidi Chikere Producer: Azuka Odunukwe Genre: Comedy Rating: 6.8 out of 10 -Story: [4 out of 5] Out of every 50 movies I review, only one ever turns out to be a comedy (excluding romantic comedies). Why? I am naturally not a fan of African comedy movies because they usually simply begin with Mr. Ibu and end with Osuofia (with Aki and pawpaw in the middle). The only time I ever watch comedy movies are when I stumble upon them by mistake (i.e. when I bought it, I didn't know it was supposed to be comedy). For this movie, I actually really enjoyed it thoroughly and the only flaw I noticed was with the timeline. After Bimbo meets Rico, he gets an appointment with him for the next morning. So he goes home to tell his friends only to find out that his friend has left leaving him some money for food/transport and having paid enough for Bimbo to stay in the hotel for two extra days. Yet for some reason that night itself Bimbo goes about knocking on Kelly's door claiming to have been kicked out from the hotel and stating that his appointment was now two days away??? Inconsistent. And I honestly did not feel like all the nudity was that necessary -Originality: [5 out of 5] I admit, I've seen many movies with stupid humor but I have not seen anyone like this. And I'd have to say that that is one of the few reasons I like it because it's not the usual Mr. Ibu goes to the village today, Mr. Ibu goes to Ghana tomorrow, Mr. Ibu goes to London next week. What is he doing in all these places? The same slapstick humor... it gets old abeg. -Predictability: [4 out of 5] I don't think many folks watching this movie are looking to predict the movie especially since it's such an easy watch. When the end comes one is like? Woah! How did that happen -Directing/Editing: [3 out of 5] I applaud the movie makers for making a funny straight to the point movie in 2 parts only. I deduct points for the inconsistencies mentioned in 'story' and just general timeline flaws. Not to mention, I wasn't a fan of the continuity. -Acting quality: [1 out of 5] No extras in this movie (that were present long enough to be acknowledged). Talent in order from greatest to least: Tonto Dikeh, Artus Frank, Stephanie Oforka and then the rest. The other guys, Bacteria and Obi, were such horrid actors that they made Artus Frank look like Denzel Washington with all his constant gyrations and naivete. However, the fact that the movie is supposed to be funny and comedic makes it easier to overlook the inabilities of the actors. I loved Bacteria Ajirika's character the most, regardless of his acting inabilities. Amazing lines I'd say. If not for the fact that this was a Tchidi Chikere movie, I'd have been asking myself what possessed Tonto and Artus to act in the movie cos it looks awfully low budget. Again.. I could have done without the breastices and backyards showing in the nude scene... thank you very much. Guest appearance in the movie by the director Tchidi Chikere (in which he just stood there and combed his goatee or attempted to sing in the beginning whilst making us all go deaf)
-Setting: [3 out of 5] Adequate, my only qualm is with the location of the so called super celebrity, Rico's, house. It seemed like it was situated in the center of a market. I'm thinking... if he's so international then he should be able to live it up in some Wuse zone or something. -Costume/Make-Up: [4 out of 5] Ok -Props and Graphics: [4 out of 5] Ok -Video Quality: [4 out of 5] Not a huge fan of the sepia'd out screen -Audio Quality [2 out of 5] Was highly inconsistent on my copy -Soundtrack: [3 out of 5] Hmm... again, I was cool with lyrics and beats but these singers though. -Musical Score: [4 out of 5] Good | |