Lindy West
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Last night’s Academy Awards were a bit of a shitshow—as massive, shambling, designed-by-committee live ceremonies tend to be. As distant as we could tell, a thesis of a night was “James Bond for no reason/the 2003 film chronicle of Chicago/indulging Seth MacFarlane’s damaged dreams of apropos a razzle-dazzle crooner/exorcizing Seth MacFarlane’s worried woman issues/figuring out who hid Renee Zellwegger’s hairbrush/stilted bickering.”
Also, ostensibly, “music,” that is way too deceptive to be a theme, we guys. Personally, we found a off-ness of a night kind of delightful—it competence have been boring, though during slightest it was a new, weird, Channing-Tatum-heavy kind of boring!—and it was comforting to note that a celebrities on a stage seemed not to know WTF was going on either. At any point. Ever. They rubbed their difficulty with varying levels of aplomb, and so, to applaud them, we will now arrange all a celebrities [that we caring about] during a 2013 Academy Awards from many desirable to slightest charming.
1. Shirley Bassey
“HE LOVES ONLY GOLD. HE LOVES GOLD.” – Most desirous lyrics ever about a male who unequivocally unequivocally loves gold. She killed it. She killed everything.
2. Christoph Waltz
Always and forever.
3. Michelle Obama
It’s not that we adore her, it’s that I’m literally IN LOVE with her.
4. Meryl Streep
“…andtheOscargoestoDanielDayLewisorwhatever.” She didn’t even fuck with it. If she’d been holding a mic she would have forsaken it all a approach to China.
5. Daniel Day Lewis
“I had indeed been committed to play Margaret Thatcher, and Meryl was Stephen’s initial choice for Lincoln.” Um, I’m sorry, nobody told me that DDL was going to BRING ALL THE JOKES. I’ll be over here hot-glue-gunning my womb behind together.
6. Quvenzhané Wallis
QUVENZHANE WALLIS FOR OSCAR HOST 2014.
7. Adele
“Fank you.”
8. Jezebel Editor Jessica Coen
For a partial when a cat stepped on her remote control and altered a channel to some SNL retrospective and she didn’t figure it out for literally 5 minutes. Sample quote: “WHY IS THE ACADEMY HONORING CHRIS PARNELL?”
9. Jennifer Lawrence
Even a descending down was flawless.
10. Queen Latifah
Literal black of earth and space.
11. The Cast of Les Miserables 
12. Halle Berry
Best dressed.
13. Jennifer Garner
The partial where she cried!!!
14. Sandra Bullock
Life-changer.
15. Ernest Borgnine
You guys should have listened a Ernest Borgnoise of grief we done when his pic non-stop adult that dead-people montage. If Dick Van Dyke ever dies it’s going to be like that stage in a Princess Bride where everybody on earth can hear Wesley’s wails echoing in their molars, usually a purpose of Wesley will be played by me and a purpose of Christopher-Guest’s-torture-machine will be played by the-prospect-of-a-world-without-Dick-Van-Dyke. Don’t even talk to me about Julie Andrews. #GeneHackman
16. That Guy Who Was in True Lies! Winning Best Picture!
It’s like when Dean Pelton from Community won final year, usually even better, given TRUE LIES.
17. Jack Nicholson
Sweet Transitions lenses, bro. Also, appreciate we for formulating my new 75 favorite Jennifer Lawrence gifs. we might or might not have cried.
18. Kristen Stewart
Okay. Mystery. K-Stew was on crutches on a red carpet, though afterwards when she came out to benefaction with Daniel Radcliffe, she was crutchless and attempting some arrange of sexy limp. Fifty points to Gryffindor for moxie, though seriously, what Slytherin writer stole Kristen Stewart’s crutches and told her to Kerri Strug it for a cameras? That shit is ice cold.
19. Denzel Washington
Wait, is Flight unequivocally about a male who lands a craft upside down regulating a energy of cocaine? That is a funniest thing we have ever heard. we don’t even know how to speak about it. Was that film written upside down regulating a energy of cocaine?
20. Barbra Streisand
In an garb that can usually be described as “Rayanne Graff Black Tie.”
21. Seth MacFarlane
The whole thing was ungainly (and frequently problematic), though it wasn’t a disaster, exactly. It was indeed most reduction disastery than we expected. Maybe that’s given MacFarlane’s apparent obsessions—jazz standards, informative references, purposeless cutaways, purposeless cutaways that petition MacFarlane to sing some-more jazz standards—actually fit better in an awards uncover format than they do in a 30-minute comedy that purports to have a “story arc.” Anyway, we don’t know if it’s satisfactory to decider him on his live comedy bravery when it’s transparent that a male usually wants to SING. Plus, isn’t it good how many opposite voice he can do?
22. Grey Poupon
They unequivocally nailed it on how to marketplace mustard to 5th-graders. 1990 me is still loling during that automobile gag.
23. The Cast of Chicago
we mean, we don’t have anything opposite Chicago per se, though is anyone usually sitting around amatory a crap out of it? The film instrumentation came out in 2003, and we really haven’t suspicion about it given 2003-and-a-half during a latest. Anyway, Chicago came adult mixed times during final night’s Oscars—once in an extended montage from a film (!?) and once when a expel came out to benefaction some endowment to someone (zzz). Here’s a thought: As prolonged as we’re honoring capricious movies, it’s been 24 years given Troop Beverly Hills. Couldn’t we have Shelley Long and Craig T. Nelson come out and benefaction Best Director? we am 99% certain that Mary Gross isn’t bustling (raising a doubt WHY ISN’T MARY GROSS MORE BUSY).
24. Quentin Tarantino
Like, dude, no worries, don’t even worry to arise up. It’s usually a Oscars. Just get borne here on your palanquin and afterwards have your handmaidens Weekend-at-Bernie’s we to your chair in your uncanny leather tie. No, don’t symbol anything. Ironing is for SHEEP.
25. William Shatner
‘Kay.
26. John Travolta’s Mind-Control Bosley
“Les Miserblabluss.”
Source:
http://1stgenband.com/news/2013/celebrities-at-the-oscars-ranked-from-most-to-least-charming